Greetings to all,
Last night as I attempted sleep, I found myself reading a pdf on my iPad entitled Death of a Parent. I already drew some of the conclusions that the snippet revealed though the longer reaching insights the research suggested I have not yet bumped up against. Today is a cold Monday morning here in the Hill Country where I live. It was a warm Friday morning just a few days ago when I received the call that my mother had died rather unexpectedly just sitting in her favourite chair. She died 1 year and 4 days after my father did.
For all my flaws and baggage I’ve worked my entire life since I understood the concepts to “Know Thyself”. That task is not always easy because the impulse to self-lie is highly encouraged in our society. Anyway I just want to shoot off a warning flare to those who think they know themselves. Nothing really prepares you for the impact that a parent’s death will have on you. You don’t know that part of yourself until you are truly faced with it. I still have the last voice mail Mother left last week asking me to call her back (which I didn’t) on my business line in my office.
Mother had remarried a third time late in life a few years ago and she is survived by my latest step-father. There will be no funeral. He’s going to have her cremated. I doubt there is a will, so he’ll assume ownership of all her things. They live in an apartment in Houston which was never any kind of home for me. So essentially she was here last week and with the exception of family memories and perhaps a photo album I might beg my step-father for, she has essentially vanished from this world without a trace that will be easy for me to find.
Good-bye Mother, Good-bye Father!
The passing of a parent but especially both parents will reveal to you every part of your life that they touched in the shaping of who you have become. You’ll know this because you likely feel those parts all being tugged out of you at once in different directions. One of the first feelings I had after the initial shock wore off was that there are no more rules, no one to be accountable to that matters. It was a wild crazy feeling that was liberating and disconcerting at the same time. Fortunately for me, the feeling passed and I’m glad to report I’ve had no shoot outs with local law enforcement. I rambled on to Suzanne, my wife last night as I was trying to purge the heaviness of mother’s departure from the world of the living. The insight that I had was that for ever little hunger a child (no matter how old) has for the parent to feed that goes unmet, there is a secret hope inside each of us that someday, somehow that hunger will be sated and the hole in your “self” will be filled with the goodness of parental light.
I admit I had NO IDEA that was inside of me. As a student of Ho’oponopono I believe 100% responsibility is essential to a strong happy life. So as those little black holes in my soul are revealed by the passing of the two giants that brought me into this world, I will attempt to find a new light to fill them with instead of leaving them like suck-holes to drain me of whatever good years I’ve got left on Earth. One of the golden gifts of this recent shake up in my life is to really REALLY appreciate the importance of carpe diem.
One thing I’ve considered is creating a wikipedia page for each of them so that their significance might be revealed a little bit in cyberspace for the duration of cyberspace perhaps!
That’s all for now.
Trying to rattle off some kind of where-the-hell-have-I-been preamble just seems like a waste of time …SO…let me be present with my blog. One of my companies, Zero State Technologies, just setup a basic website for a new client, Terry Hansen of T.H. Works. Terry and T.H. Works represents to me a huge, untapped resource in regards to helping more contractor-type companies develop a web presence. Terry’s company has done some work for Suzanne and I and in a world full of excuses and missed deadlines, he was on time and did the job right the first time. Thanks T.H. Works!
Ok this next thing is a bit shameful for me but here goes. Suzanne and I both bought iPhones as a after-taxes-are-done celebration gift to ourselves. I even installed a WordPress app on my iPhone today so I can log on here and interact with my websites. Normally I opt for the techy-type electronics where my “leet” nerdy skills can get put to good use but I can’t begin to express how satisfied I am with the consumer ready, user friendly iPhone. After Suzanne went to bed one night I snuck it in bed with us and installed apps til I passed out one night.
Web Hosting. Man, I’m not going to name any names yet but you know there is no one at the helm when the Ocean Liner is 500 feet over the dock onto the freeway. I’m thinking of a creative way to say NO THANK YOU to a company that’s been our Web Host for all these years we’ve been Internet Marketers. I will share just a few lines which indicate how far off the reservation this company has gone. One of my last contacts with “their” customer service department included the fellow on the phone saying the following to me: “Don’t explain your problem to me because I’m not going to understand it.” and my all time favorite “Sir, I don’t see how any of your questions are relevant!” Since this is unfinished business I’ll have to wait on the details but I’ve got something very creative in mind for them and perhaps you can help – if it strikes the right chord in you.
Lastly, the main reason I’ve been “offline” for so long is that my father, Robert Burns, died November 8, 2009. I’m pretty much the opposite of an “emo” but he was the only real parent I ever had and with all the good and the bad I endured with him, I couldn’t begin to comprehend how big a part of me he was until he was gone. I spent the last few months of his life with him at a nearby Veterans Hospital. I’ve had time to reconcile his death though I’m sure I will grieve and miss him for years to come.
Last night Suzanne and I had dinner at Waterloo Draft House. Naomi was our most excellent waitress. We were the very first customers to sit out on their gravel floored outdoor eating area by the water. The Texas spring breeze and the live music made it an excellent choice. Thanks Naomi.
More to come.
I’ve been enduring a bad back for about a week now. The kind of bad-back where you feel the pain shooting down your legs and you aren’t sure if you should take a deep breath or resist the gag reflex from the pain. I’ve been to the “doctor” he gave me a remedy he had probably just given to the 90 year old lady that couldn’t hear well before it was my turn to be “seen”. Fortunately I’m married and my wife takes a long merciless walk on my back and that seems to relieve most of the pain.
One of my clients has been tasking me out to improve his company’s SEO. I can’t say enough about the endless depth of resources that WordPress represents in the world of internet marketing, especially in regards to effective, nearly stupid proof SEO.
Seems that I’ll be going to San Diego to support Dr. Joe Vitale in his Miracles Weekend. Joe really puts on an amazing Seminar Experience and I am as always grateful for the opportunity to share in his kind thoughful programs.
Saw Babylon A.D. tonight with a friend. I’d give it a 6.
This post is kind of willy-nilly. My excuse is that I’ve been working and building on my websites. Soon I’ll be blowing and going full steam ahead on all my web projects. If there is something you’d like to know about or see, feel free to leave a comment.